Be Imperfect For Me
by Sunnygirl40
Summary: I had never told him. I would never tell Embry Call that I loved him because he deserved so much better. He was everyhting I had always wanted to be honest, perfect, beautiful.God he was beautiful.It was to late now anyway because soon I was going to die
1. Preface

Preface

Life was hard. I had learned a long time ago that life just wasn't fair. If it was there would be no point. Being a child I had learned to become invisible simply because it was easier. I had always been out done by my twin sister Lily but I could never blame her for my unhappiness. Even though everything she did was perfect I couldn't help but love her. This is how I learned if I kept to myself no one could hurt me, except for maybe myself. But I made a fatal mistake, I let someone in.

His name was Embry Call. He was honest, passionate, unselfish and beautiful. God he was beautiful. He was everything I had always wanted to be and I loved him for it. How could I not? I loved him for the way he said my name and the smile that was reserved for me and me alone. I loved the sound of his laugh and the feeling of his warm hand in mine. I loved him because he saw me. He saw me for what I was shy, neurotic, imperfect Margaret but he was there for me anyway. I had loved him since that very first day in the third grade when I was sitting by myself at lunch, miserably. He walked over and smiled at me. He really smiled and then he took my hand. I knew I would never let go after that. I loved him so much it was painful but I gladly accepted the pain. But he would never know because I would never tell him. I would want to so badly I would bite my tongue to keep in those three words that could ruin everything.

So instead of the love I had always wanted I got friendship, his friendship. But that was enough to quench my thirst but not forever. I wouldn't burden him with my love. I wanted him to be with another girl. I wanted him to find a girl that could love him as much as I did but could say it. She would love him and make him happier than I ever could. So I learned not to be selfish because I could never have him. Now years later I wish once I would have been selfish. I wished that once I had said yes I love you to so many people but I never did. But now it was too late because now I was going to die.


	2. Unlikely

Chapter One

"It doesn't seem right that someone like that would get sick and die." [He] countered, 'Why shouldn't it be right? It's what happens." ~ Jan Elizabeth Watson

**Nine Months **

Waking up was always the worst part of the day. It was like a slap in the face after feeling so peaceful for the last eight hours. My alarm clock blared continuously and sounded strangely like time to face reality, time to face reality like a mantra. I swung my arm around in the darkness and hit my alarm clock. I sighed as silence filled the room and I shut my eyes willing myself back to sleep. I hadn't been sleeping well at all lately so I was even more tired than usual. My door swung open to reveal my brother Mike with a toothbrush in his mouth, eyes squinting in the darkness.

"Margaret, mom says to wake up." I didn't answer him and he sighed turning to clomp down the stairs. It was a Monday the worst day in the history of the world. School was my own personal hell the boring classes; smelly lunches and judging students could take a toll on anyone. I had always thought when I was younger when I was a senior I would finally be popular but boy had I been wrong. I begrudgingly got out of bed and stumbled down the stairs. My mother was bustling around the kitchen and trying to make breakfast. She had always been one of those mothers who made a nice breakfast every morning, kept the house spotless and doted over her children. Well most of her children anyway.

"Morning mom," I said stifling a yawn. She grumbled her reply and continued wiping down the counter. I shuffled over to the fridge and swung the door open shivering as the cold air hit my skin. I scanned over the food and instantly felt nauseous at the thought of eating. Looks like I'm skipping breakfast. I quietly moved to the kitchen table and began to put my heavy school books in my bag.

"Good morning mother," my sister called flitting down the stairs to our mother's smiling face. Mom opened her arms and hugged her patting her head affectionately. Lily turned to me and smiled her flouncy curls like a halo around her head. A pang of jealousy shot through me at how effortlessly gorgeous she was even in the morning. I supposed some people would say we looked alike considering we were twins. Although I disagreed. While we both had curly black hair Lily's were a like a satin crown and mine were a frizzy mess. She flaunted her long legs and curves with short skirts and I hid mine under baggy jeans. We had similar faces but she had thick lashes and I had thick glasses. The major differences that anyone could pick out were our eyes. Lily had big owl like eyes the color of melted caramel. Mine were a dark green that contrasted strangely with the rest of my face.

Lily slid out of mothers embrace and grabbed a granola bar from the cupboard. I turned away from her trying to ignore her happy attitude.

"Margaret you really should eat something," mom scolded watching while Lily with a fond smile on her face.

"I'm not hungry," I stated hurrying up the stairs before anyone could reply. Ever since I was little my mother had always favored Lily. I couldn't blame her considering the things that I had failed to do. Like have a boyfriend, take honors classes and being the outgoing doting daughter she had always wanted me to be. The only time my mother showed me any kind of affection was when I brought Embry to the house. I had to remind myself that it didn't matter what my mother thought but it did.

Twenty minutes later Mike, Lily and I were on the bus pulling away from our brightly colored house. It was rainy like usual in La Push, Washington. Fat ran drops slid down the window making the day seem even more melancholy. I could feel a piercing headache beginning from the loud chatter of students. I had always gotten migraines but lately they had been becoming unbearable. When we pulled into the parking lot I slid past students seemingly invisible. That was how I lived because it was easier. I trudged into La Push Tribal high school trying not to call unwanted attention to myself. That's when I heard him. He called my name loudly and unafraid as I turned sharply to face him. My hearts reaction to him didn't disappoint, it never did.

Embry Call was standing in all his glory waving his arms frantically. He was beautiful that much anyone could see. He was tall maybe six feet much taller than my 5.4 frame. Raindrops slid down his beautiful russet skin. His smile made my heart pound faster even when it wasn't directed at me and it brightened the rainy day. That jet black hair that always fell in his eyes made my stomach quiver. Those eyes, eyes you could get lost in. Those warm, rich brown eyes always warmed me to the tips of my toes. He was perfect. I still never quite understood why he still hung out with me. I don't think anyone understood what went through his mind but I certainly didn't want to.

"Maggie!" he called again a breathtaking smile running across his features as he saw me. I smiled back timidly and shuffled towards him. When we finally reached each other I looked up at him though my lashes but he surprised me. Instead of our usual act of small talk as we walked to class he grabbed my hand. His hand was warm and it seemed to fit mine perfectly. I stifled a gasp as he smiled down at me making my insides turn to a puddle of goo.

"Hey how was your weekend? I barely saw you," he said obviously oblivious to the effect he had on me.

"Very —," I hesitated. I hated to think about weekends because it made me feel guilty. There was so much I could do like swimming, hiking or maybe even hang out with other teenagers but I never did. I had a horrible headache the whole weekend and stayed in bed, hiding. That could be my excuse and it would be. Even though it was true it didn't make up for how pitiful my life really was.

"I didn't feel very well." I looked up to see Embry studying me closely as I avoided his gaze.

"How do you feel now?" he asked concern etching his tone.

"Fine I guess just a little tired," I replied just as the bell rang. "Come on we have debate first period." I pulled on Embry's hand and he followed reluctantly.

"We have speeches today don't we?" Embry asked. I nodded my head and he groaned.

"You'll do fine besides Mrs. Everett loves you," I told him. Everyone loved him I added silently in my head.

"Only because of my good looks and charm," he replied sarcasm thick in his voice. I rolled my eyes and giggled. I stopped when I realized it hurt to laugh. I could still feel my head throbbing after each breath that left my mouth. It was going to be a long day. I looked up at Embry who was still smiling down at me and realized I would be okay.

XXX

I didn't get nervous during speeches. I didn't need to because no one knew who I was anyway. I actually enjoyed debate class. Call me crazy but getting a grade for arguing seemed like a pretty good deal to me. But now as I stood I felt faint just thinking about giving my speech. AS my name was called I trudged slowly across the ragged carpet my heart clenching uncomfortably in my chest. I felt a familiar burning in the pit of my stomach and my heart skipped a beat. Oh no. Please God not now. It was happening again. Not now anytime but now.

As I reached the front of the room I felt a piercing pain that stretched from my stomach to my lower back. It was like someone had reached inside me and ripped my insides apart. I felt my hands shake and sweat drip down my back. I wanted to bend over and moan but I bit my lip. "Alright Ms. Smith you may begin." I barely registered what Mrs. Everett as I dug my nails into my palm. A wave of pain ricocheted off my chest leaving me breathless. Black spots filled my vision as I grabbed onto the desk, my legs suddenly wobbly.

"Ms. Smith?" I couldn't do it. I had to get out. Before I had made the conscience decision my legs were already moving. I ran past the gaze of curious students and through the hall the white lights hurting my eyes. Slipping into the bathroom I fumbled my into a stall slamming the door behind me. I sank down to the floor gasping for breath as I clutched my stomach. The pain was worse crippling me as I lay my head on the cool tile floor. I could barely pull in enough air as I tried to keep in the sobs of pain. I don't know how long I lay there clutching my stomach in pain. Eventually the pain began to recede just like it always did. I tried to sit up pushing away my hair that was sticking to my forehead. My hands were shaking and I could feel exhaustion willing me to lie back on the cool floor again. I complied closing my eyes as I felt my brain recede and I let the darkness take me away.

XXX

It felt good to just float in the blackness. I had always wondered what it would be to be weightless. It was like drifting slowly through water. I knew in the back of my mind I was sleeping but I had never slept like this before. I couldn't find my body to move it but that was okay I didn't want to. So for what felt like days I floated mindlessly until I felt a warm touch. I could feel my body again and my mind was losing the fog. My eyes snapped open and fresh air burst into my lungs.

"Oh thank God!" I looked up into a pair of large grey eyes and I tried to sit up. "Are you okay?" the girl asked.

"I'm fine," I croaked rubbing my sore back. I looked around and realized I was still in the bathroom. "What time is it?" I asked looking around the empty room.

"It's last period. I just came in to use the bathroom and you were just laying here. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Don't worry," I said gripping her arm as she helped me up. Besides my sore muscles there was other sign of my attack. It almost seemed like a dream but remembering the pain I knew it was real. "Thanks for your help but I need to get home," I stated avoiding the girls piercing gaze.

"Do you need a ride?" she asked as I shuffled uncomfortably from foot to foot.

"Thanks but I'll walk I could use the fresh air," I replied. She nodded as I began to walk to the door. I stopped and turned to face her. "Could you not mention this to anyone?"

"Uhh sure," I could hear the uncertainty ringing in her voice. I nodded and ran out the door. The walk to my house was long and I had to cut to the woods. As I trampled over branches and dead leaves I realized there was something horribly wrong with me. I had gotten the pain before but it had never been that bad. I had always thought it was just cramps or maybe acid buildup. I had tried to not eat spicy foods and taking pain killers but it didn't help. My heart was pounding by the time I unlocked the front door and stumbled inside. The house was empty and it felt somewhat eerie. I quietly made my way upstairs and grabbed my laptop. I typed my symptoms into the search bar, weight loss, fatigue, headaches and abdominal pain. My eyes widened at what appeared on screen. Things like hepatitis, scarring of the liver, gastric ulcers and ovarian cancer. I shut my laptop breathing heavily. I couldn't really be that sick could I? I picked up the phone thinking it was time to make a very long overdue doctor's appointment. Maybe I was just over anticipating things. Besides how could anything like that ever happen to me?

A/N: Hey everybody,

I wanted to thank anyone who is reading and encourage you to review. I hate it when people don't review. It helps me to post faster because I get support. So please review. Thanks!

Sunnygirl40 ;)


	3. The List

Chapter 2

"I was in the biggest breakdown of my life when I stopped crying long enough to let the words of my epiphany really sink in. That whore, karma had finally made her way around and had just bitch-slapped me right across the face. The realization only made me cry harder." ~ Jennifer Salaiz

_**Previously on Be Imperfect for Me**_

My heart was pounding by the time I unlocked the front door and stumbled inside. The house was empty and it felt somewhat eerie. I quietly made my way upstairs and grabbed my laptop. I typed my symptoms into the search bar, weight loss, fatigue, headaches and abdominal pain. My eyes widened at what appeared on screen. Things like hepatitis, scarring of the liver, gastric ulcers and ovarian cancer. I shut my laptop breathing heavily. I couldn't really be that sick could I? I picked up the phone thinking it was time to make a very long overdue doctor's appointment. Maybe I was just over anticipating things. Besides how could anything like that ever happen to me?

**Nine Months**

I always hated going to the doctors. I always got this horrible feeling from the too clean smell and bright fluorescent lights. Now as I sat on the examination table in a paper gown the feeling was even worse. As I explained what had been happening to me the little crease between the doctor's eyebrows seemed to grow deeper.

"So can you show me exactly where your abdominal pain is Margaret?" Dr. Greenlock asked as she scanned through my medical files. I didn't know Dr. Greenlock very well considering I had chosen to go to a clinic in Forks instead of La Push. I didn't want to see anyone I knew nor have rumors spread about why I was in the hospital. I had been carted around to different doctors all day and I was sick of it. I had been poked and prodded with so many needles I didn't even flinch anymore.

"Right here," I replied poking my lower stomach. D. Greenlock hummed in response and looked back at her clipboard.

"Well we've narrowed done what you may have to a few things so we need to run a few more tests." I sighed and nodded. The rest of the afternoon was spent doing abdominal CT scans, an MRI and a pancreatic biopsy which hurt like a bitch. After it was over I was asked to wait and wait and wait. I anxiously waited for the doctor's return as I pulled out my cell phone. Four missed calls, none of them from Mom big surprise there. All of them were from Embry.

"Hey Mags I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I didn't see you after you ran out of debate class yesterday. (Laughs anxiously) So call me back. Soon." I had forgotten to call Embry after I had my debate class meltdown. Then that one girl saw me lying on the bathroom floor. She probably thought I was doing drugs or something. _Great_. I would call him back when I came up with a suitable excuse. Just then Dr. Greenlock walked through the door a sympathetic smile plastered on her face. Oh God something was really wrong. Why hadn't I come to the hospital sooner?

"Margaret I'm really sorry to tell you but you have been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer." Did I hear her correctly?

"Cancer?" I managed to choke out. Dr. Greenlock rambled on but I could only pick out certain words. Chemo therapy, pain, inoperable. "Inoperable?" I questioned.

"I'm sorry Margaret, but it has already begun to spread to the lymph nodes surrounding the pancreas. We cannot operate safely," Dr. Greenlock stated in a calm voice. The calm voice annoyed me I wanted sympathy not practicality.

"I know some specialists who I can contact in Seattle," she continued. "We should call your parents immediately."

"No!" I belted out. "I'm eighteen I can call them. I want to be the one to tell them." That was a lie. I decided I wasn't going to tell them. I wasn't going to tell anyone. They didn't need the burden of my own illness. I could deal with this alone and I would.

"If you're sure Margaret," Dr. Greenlock replied looking through her glasses. I nodded my head studying the long crack in the ceiling. I sat in there for another hour. Dr. Greenlock talked about radiation and chemo therapy. I could go on hospice. She handed me countless business cards for specialists. I knew I wouldn't use them. I didn't want to spend the short amount of time I had left in a hospital bed. How long did I even have left?

"Dr. Greenlock how long before -," I stopped unable to finish.

"Seven to nine months at the most." Seven months? Nine at most? I had less than a year. "I'm sorry Margaret this kind of cancer is extremely rare in people your age. I can prescribe you some pills for your abdominal pain," Dr. Greenlock suggested.

"Sure." I filled out the prescription, walked out the door and ran across the parking lot to my car. I sat in the front seat and waited for the tears to come but they didn't. Wouldn't any normal person cry if they found out they were going to die? I knew I couldn't cry because I had never really lived. Dammit I had never even been kissed! How was that fair? Why did I have to die?

XXX

By the time I had pulled into the driveway I had come to terms with reality. So I was going to die no big deal right? Sure. I wondered did heaven really exist. Did hell? Or maybe when I died I would just fade away into nothingness. That was what scared me the most. Not the pain or the loss but not being. Not being seemed impossible.

I had to force myself from the safe confines of the car. I walked up the driveway to see Mike playing basketball with his friend Brady. Walking in the front door I could see Lily working diligently on her homework, quietly mumbling to herself. Mom was peeling potatoes preparing to make one of my favorite's potato salad. Dad would be getting home from work in twenty minutes. It was like any other day, nothing had changed. It was strange because it had felt like the world was crumbling down around me but no one else seemed to feel it. As I walked up the stairs no one questioned where I had been all day. It irritated me. I wanted to scream at them. Didn't they wonder why I hadn't been at school all day? Was I really that unimportant in their perfect life? Once my door was closed I threw myself on my bed, burying my face in my pillow. I carefully lifted up my shirt and peered down at my stomach. It looked the same tan and smooth. I poked it lightly and felt no pain. How could there be something in there that was killing me. I felt nauseated just thinking about the tumor that was growing bigger and tearing me apart.

I could hear the garage door closing and I sprinted down the stairs. Dad was home. I had always felt like he was the only one who understood me. He was the only one who told me he was proud of me. The only one who told me he loved me. When he walked through the door I threw myself at him. He let out an oomph and returned my embrace.

"Hey baby girl," he said just like every day. That was one routine I hoped never changed. "How was your day?"

"It was fine," I lied. He was the only one I would feel bad about not telling him. But looking up at him saved me from myself. He looked like me. He had the same green eyes and glasses but he looked so tired. He worked all day for us and I couldn't add another thing for him to worry about. I let go off him as he slipped off his shoes and headed into the kitchen.

Dinner was an event like every night. Food was passed around the large dining room table. Conversation buzzed around the table and laughter filled the room. I had always loved dinner time it was one of the only times I felt like part of the family. I hadn't realized how many things I was going to miss. I felt a lump in my throat begin to form so I excused myself heading back to my room. I lay there for a while until there was a quiet knock on my door.

"Margaret can I come in?" It was Lily.

"Come on in," I replied my heart pounding in my chest. She couldn't know could she? She walked hesitantly into my room. It was weird seeing her in my room she looked too perfect for my bland room. She slowly came to sit on the edge of the bed.

"You weren't at school today," she stated. I didn't respond afraid my voice might shake. A penetrable silence filled the room. "Embry asked about you," she added running her fingers through her silky hair.

"He called me," I replied looking away from her face.

"Did you call him back?" I shook my head. "You should he was really worried," she finished. Again I remained silent trying to appear nonchalant. I knew I should call him but I was afraid I would burst into tears if I did. "Should I be worried Margaret?" Lily asked her voice shaking slightly. Before I could answer she continued. "You've been acting really weird lately."

"You shouldn't worry about me. There is nothing to be concerned about," I lied my voice surprisingly steady. She nodded and pulled me into an awkward hug.

"Well then good night," she said pulling away from me.

"Night," I whispered as she walked out the door. It was sad how good I was at lying.

XXX

I tried to sleep I really did. I lay in my room staring at the ceiling as a million thoughts raced around in my head. Eventually I crept out of my bed and tip toed down the stairs. I turned on the TV and grabbed a bowl of rocky road ice cream it was my favorite. I remembered when Embry took me to get ice cream at midnight after the homecoming dance. We had talked in his car for hours while we shared ice cream and funny stories. We had ended up falling asleep and I got to wake up next to him. It was one of my favorite memories. I had a lot of favorite memories when it came to Embry.

I had been flipping through channels when I stumbled upon a movie called The Bucket List. It was about two men who knew they were going to die. They made a list. The list was things they wanted to do before they died. It made me think about what I would do. What would my list say? At the end of the movie both men died. The ending was happy though because they had accomplished everything they wanted to do.

So I decided I was going to make a list. I was going to do everything on that list before I died. So I grabbed a pencil, paper and got started.

1. Get a complete makeover (Because I wanted to feel beautiful.)

2. Finish a painting (I had always loved art but my mother didn't approve. This time I was going to do what I wanted.)

3. Sleep under the stars (I had always wanted to watch the stars all night long. They fascinated me.)

4. Get kissed in the rain (What girl didn't want that?)

5. Pack my bags and set off for a random location (I wanted to go somewhere with no explanation.)

6. Send a message in a bottle (I wanted to right a little wisdom. Who knew who would find it?)

7. Stay up all night and watch the sunrise (No explanation needed.)

8. Buy my own house and then spend time making it into exactly what I want. (I wanted the experience.)

9. Build a giant sand castle (It sounded like fun.)

10. Lose my virginity (I wanted to know what all the fuss was about.)

11. Jump on a mattress at a furniture store (I had always wanted to do that.)

12. Go skinny dipping at midnight (I love to swim. Why not try it naked?)

13. Get a tattoo (It seemed like a crazy thing to do.)

14. Ride a motorcycle (I wanted to feel the rush.)

15. Dance on the beach with someone special (It sounded so romantic.)

So into the early hours of the morning I finished my list. I walked up the stairs almost dead on my feet. I put the list under my mattress and collapsed onto my bed. Tomorrow would be the start of finishing the list. My very own Bucket List.

A/N: So there is chapter two! I hope you enjoy it. Please Review and I promise I will update faster!


	4. Girl's Day Out

Chapter 3

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

_**Previously on Be Imperfect for Me**_

"Margaret I'm really sorry to tell you but you have been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer." Did I hear her correctly?

"Cancer?" I managed to choke out. Dr. Greenlock rambled on but I could only pick out certain words. Chemo therapy, pain, inoperable. "Inoperable?" I questioned.

"I'm sorry Margaret, but it has already begun to spread to the lymph nodes surrounding the pancreas. We cannot operate safely."

XXX

So into the early hours of the morning I finished my list. I walked up the stairs almost dead on my feet. I put the list under my mattress and collapsed onto my bed. Tomorrow would be the start of finishing the list. My very own Bucket List.

**Nine Months**

I woke up to the sound of the garbage truck and the smell of crisp bacon. Nothing unusual. It seemed like I should wake up and have an epiphany or something. I lay there for a minute waiting. Nope not going to happen. I grudgingly pushed myself out of bed. I felt like crap. My head hurt, my stomach was rolling not to mention I really had to pee. I walked to my dresser and started to get ready for school. I then realized that I had no idea what day it was. I ran to my pink calendar hanging on the wall. It was May 27th, a Thursday. I counted the months, slowly. There it was. I was going to die on January 27th 2012. Should I circle the date? Put a red X maybe. No I didn't want to know when it would happen. I grabbed the calendar off the wall and threw it in the trash. Yeah, I defiantly didn't want to know.

After throwing on a pair of semi clean jeans and a t-shirt I headed down the stairs. Mom was cooking and didn't turn when I entered the room. Time to lie. Again.

"Mom I'm not feeling well," I said quietly. She didn't answer me. She never did. "So I'm going to stay home today." I sighed when she didn't respond. Heading back upstairs I grabbed my cell phone and locked my door. Yes my door had a lock. I was very lucky according to most of the teenage population. Dialing the familiar number I sat on my bed and tapped my fingers impatiently. I needed a girls day out and I knew just who to call. I was calling Emily Young. She had been a close family friend for a long time. My mother was friends with Sue Clearwater, so naturally I was forced to hang out with Leah. I guess forced wasn't really the right word since I hung out with her willingly.

After I had become friends with Leah she had her cousin Emily visit from the Makah Reservation. I became fast friends with Emily. She was a lot like me shy but she was much happier. All three of us hung out all summer I even introduced them to Embry. Everything was great until Leah introduced Emily to her boyfriend Sam Uley. After they met Sam ended up leaving Leah for Emily. I never quite understood the situation but after it Leah would talk to no one. So it left just me and Emily.

"Uley residence," a deep voice answered.

"It's Margaret I just wanted to talk to Emily," I replied. I hated talking on the phone I always felt so awkward.

"Sure thing," there was some shuffling around on the other end and laughter.

"Margaret how have you been?" Emily asked in her usual cheery voice.

"I've been great." Lie. "I was wondering if you might like to go shopping in Seattle today."

"That's sounds great. It will be nice to get away from all this cooking for a day," Emily laughed quietly. So we arranged the details and before I knew it we were driving to Seattle. My plan for the day consisted of buying a completely new wardrobe and styling my hair. I had plenty of money since I know longer needed my college fund. The hour drive was spent with comfortable small talk. Emily gushed about her wedding planning and how wonderful Sam was. She actually talked most of the time. I didn't mind though I was glad for the distraction. A day with Emily was just what I needed.

"So what are we shopping for," Emily asked me as we walked down main street sipping decaf lattes.

"Hmm, well I want to get something different. I'm kind of going for a whole new look," I admitted. "I guess I just want a change."

"Alright I know just the place." The rest of the morning was spent trying on a variety of clothes. I actually didn't mind wearing clothes that were slightly more revealing. I got multiple skirts, dresses, blouses and everything else a girl could need. I was feeling pretty good that is until we reached the lingerie boutique.

"There is no way I'm going in there," I stated stopping and standing my ground. I was ready for battle.

"Come on please Margaret," Emily begged. There was just no way. I had never worn any kind of pretty underwear in my life. But why not start now. I mean the old Margaret would have turned it down. But I was different now. I was becoming the new and improved Margaret Smith.

"Besides I need to look at stuff for my honeymoon," Emily whispered wiggling her eyebrows. I laughed and followed her head held high into the unknown.

"I like this one," I stated fingering the black lace trim. Emily nodded in agreement.

"Me too you should try it on. I have some stuff to try to," Emily replied holding a scary piece of leather and giggling menacingly. I scrunched up my nose and headed to the dressing room. After we had made our purchases we ate lunch at a small café. It was really nice just being with a friend and doing something carefree. Later we went to a salon and got our nails done. I had never gotten my nails done by a professional and I actually enjoyed it. The drive back was the worst because I started to feel an attack coming on. I stayed silent as the drive dragged on. It was a painful reminder of what was really happening. The pain pulled me out of my peaceful bubble. I felt my stomach clench painfully and my hands began to shake. By the time we reached La Push I could feel sweat dripping down my back and my palms were bleeding form my nails digging into them. I let out a huge sigh of relieve when we pulled up to my house.

"I had a lot of fun Margaret," Emily said smiling at me.

"Me too thanks for going with me. I really needed just a day with a friend," I replied my voice sounding strange.

"I was wondering, I mean well my wedding is in five months. I really wanted you to be a bridesmaid," Emily said stumbling around with her words. I felt a warm smile spread across my lips despite the pain.

"Oh Emily! I would love to."

"Really? I'm so glad. Maybe this weekend you can come over and we can discuss details," she said excitedly. I nodded unable to force words through my lips again. We hugged briefly and I hopped from the car. Once the car was out of sight I sprinted to the front door, stopping when I saw Embry.

He was sitting on the porch steps and he stood when he saw me. I felt the familiar relieve that I always felt when I saw him. But another spasm brought me out of my trance. I was starting to feel lightheaded from the pain that as gripping me.

"Maggie," Embry sighed, relieved. I couldn't respond afraid I would scream. "I was worried when you didn't answer my calls. Are you mad at me?" he asked. I eyed the door behind him.

"Maggie?" he questioned again. I had to get inside and take my medicine. So I ran. I ran past Embry and his shocked expression, slamming the door in his face. I could hear him calling my name as I clumsily ran up the stairs. Suddenly I felt a different kind of sensation in my stomach. It made bile rise in my throat and I changed direction running into the bathroom. Just in time I reached the toilet and acid came out of my throat. I shakily stood and rinsed the awful taste out my mouth. I could hear Embry coming up the stairs so I ran into my bedroom, locking the door.

Once inside I let out a deep breath and searched for the pills. Once I found them I struggled to open them. Stupid children's lock. I opened it and slipped the small red pill into my mouth. I lay on my bed and snuggled under my covers, bringing my knees up to my chest. Then I waited for the medicine to kick in.

"Maggie what's wrong?" Embry's voice called from outside my closed door. "Maggie please open the door. Please." I didn't respond and I heard him sigh. I guess he was going to wait. After about thirty minutes I felt the pain recede leaving exhausted. I stood up on unsteady legs and made my way to the door. When I stepped out into the hall Embry was still there. He was sitting down with his legs crossed and he was leaning against the wall. He looked weary as I walked closer to him and took a seat beside him.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked timidly picking at my nails. Nervous habit gross I know.

"Mad at you? Why would I be mad at you Margaret?" Embry asked grabbing my hand. I looked down at our interlinked hands and shrugged.

"Well I didn't return your calls and just now I slammed a door in your face when you tried to talk to me." He chuckled as he traced the lines on my palm.

"I was just worried about you," he admitted. "I can't even spend two days without you Margaret what's wrong with me," Embry teased. I giggled my recent attack already forgotten.

"Well for the record I missed you too you goofball," I replied, laughing. We stayed like that until mom came home. I offered for him to stay for dinner and he readily agreed. So we both helped with dinner joking and laughing just like any other day. When I was with Embry I felt like things were really going to be okay. I felt like my cancer was just a small problem pushed to the back of my mind.

After dinner we watched TV until it was time for him to go. Now as we stood out on the porch I was afraid for him to go. I was afraid that once he left I would feel sick again.

"Mags?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I ask you where you were today?" he asked.

"I was shopping in Seattle," I paused knowing his hatred towards Sam Uley, "with Emily."

"Emily Young" I nodded my head keeping it downcast.

"You should be careful around them Maggie," he warned.

"Yes Dad," I teased. He rolled his eyes and the light mood was back. He pulled me into a warm embrace. I latched onto him unwilling to let go. He gave the best hugs. He released me and stepped back.

"Goodnight Maggie," he whispered in my ear.

"Goodnight." When he left I walked up to my room and slid my hand under my mattress. I brought out my list and put a satisfying check next to number one.

Get a complete makeover (Because I wanted to feel beautiful.)

One down fourteen to go. Looking in the mirror at my reflection I could pick out the small differences that had already appeared. I looked happier and it was all thanks to Embry Call.

A/N: Thanks for all the awesome reviews! You guys are really great! So keep reviewing and I'll keep updating!


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